I now have 13 days left of my Internal Medicine month and while I have not killed myself yet, I did have a patient this morning say she was going to kill me. She has schizophrenia and when I told her that we were discharging her today she got upset and said:
"I am going to call a hoard of apes to kill you. I have apes you know. They are right over there behind that curtain."
If you could see how scary this lady looks in the daylight and then imagine her telling you this alone in a dark room at 5:30 AM you would fully appreciate how my day started.
I think that particular room is just bad luck for me. Just 2 day ago I pronounced a women dead in that same bed.
Three days before that I went in to see another patient who was yellow from head to toe from TPN cholestasis (basically a backed up liver from months of intravenous feedings). I had seen her every morning for a week and she had never suggested having any type of hallucination. This is how the conversation went, again alone in that same dark room this time with a very jaundiced, yellow-eyed women:
Me: "How was your night?"
Patient: "Fine...Those two guys sure are funny."
Me: "What two guys?"
Patient: "Those two guys over there."
Me (looking around): "Are they in the room right now?"
Pause
Patient (staring off): "Yes"
Pause
Me: "Can you see them right now?"
Patient (now looking at me like I'm hallucinating): "No, I can't see them right now. I am talking about my nurse for the night, Rich, and his aid. They sure are funny guys."
I am certain she thinks I need admission in the next building over. She misunderstood me, right? One thing you find working with delusional folks is that you start to go crazy yourself. I am not seeing things, I swear. Please let me go back to labor and delivery.
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10 comments:
Oh my! We just love reading about your medical experiences! They are always a good laugh! Let's get together soon! Call us and let us know when you have a free night/afternoon!
You are too funny!
You know I always check friends blogs to keep us with the kids but you add a different spin to the blog world.
I love it! and miss Abby
Maybe you should steer clear of that room? Keep the Doctor stories coming.
You should have a blog all your own with only medical stories - it would be really popular. I've heard being an internist isn't all that easy and it definitely sounds true. At least you know there is an end soon!
The other day in a meeting my boss was talking about a very rude old lady of a customer who called the department VP to tell him that we were trying to remotely set her computer on fire. She then said that she is "just some crazy schitzo." She forgot that we had an employee in the room who has mild schitzophrenia.
WOOPS.
I seriously was sitting in the kitchen all by myself totally CRACKING UP!!!! Seriously funny. Miss you guys.
I have not checked up onblogs latey becuase I too am addicted to facebook, boy did I miss out! Such great pictures and posts about all the doc stuff, I really love it. I really appreceiate all the c-section pics because I am usually the one on the bed not really knowing what goes on behind the curtain..fun to see!
Oh my! You do need to go back to labor and delivery! Or at least stay away from that room!
I think we all need that IM month, so we remember why we chose the other specialty. Funny experiences, though - I'm still laughing about yours.
People think that these stories are funny, but those of us who make a living doing Internal Medicine know that they are just too true. I had to call from the nurses station to get help from the lobby of a floor today with my cell phone because I couldn't find any others nearby as I tried to stay in the way of my patient who was in florid alcohol withdrawal and seeing fleas crawling in his bed was trying to leave the building.
I don't know your new email Jacob. Drop me a line sometime when you get a chance.
Jason
jasonwvw@gmail.com
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